12. Control

Lesson: Relax. There are somethings you have no control over and it's o.k.

It wasn't until I got the the train station did I remember I had a quiz at the very begining of class. If I would have remembered before I got to the station, I would have left home 15 minutes earlier. Instead, I left on time, and the train was 10 minutes late. After I boarded the train, it was held up in the tunnel. Then the street light froze (very unusual) and we were sitting at the light for at least 2 minutes. Of course, we stopped at every stop. To make a long story short, I eneded up running late to my class. I made it for the last 2 minutes of the quiz by the skin of my teeth.

After trial and error from before, I learned that alternate routes would take me out of the way and it would be a bigger gamble since I would have to transfer to a bus. The only control I really had was to leave earlier, take a taxi ($15 for a 5 point quiz), or run right when I got off the train. After that I really had no control over the situation.

 Once I got to the train station I kept watching the clock and looking to see if the train was close by. I knew it was a waste of time because I couldn't will the train to come any sooner. I don't have tele-kinetic powers to pull the train to my stop any faster. All I could do was wait.

I was so busy worring about the train that wasn't coming any sooner that I could have used that time to study. Instead, I just paced in the train station because it felt right.

There are something I have absolutely no control over...and it sucks. I learned today that there is no point of trying to control the uncontrollable. Of course that makes sense, but in the moment- worrying and watching the clock feels right even though it achieves nothing. Once I got on the train, I kept looking at the clock to gage how late I will be to class. It didn't get me to class sooner.

 I should have been more like the guy that was sitting next to me: just bobbing his head to his music. We were both on the same train. We were both, presumably, late. The only difference was I was having a panic attack and letting my blood pressure rise and my hair fall out, and he was enjoying his music. We both ended up at our respective destinations, but only one of us had a mini heart attack on the way.

Today I had no control over being late. Most of the time I have no control over peoples behaviors; I have no control over circumstances. Despite people's negative behaviors I don't have to compromise my character. Despite hindering circumstances I can always overcome them- maybe not by my original plan, but I can overcome them none-the-less.

Life is all about perspective. We will all go through storms, and most of us will come out of the storms. It is how you build character when you go through your storm that matters. Guess what, more storms are coming so you better learn from the first storm.

Even as I right this I am a little stressed over some things I have no control over. I can't do anything to change it now, so I'm just going to go eat lunch and deal with it as proactively as I can... when the time comes.

When you have absolutely no control, sit back, relax, and enjoy the music. It's far better than trying to fix things in your mind even though you can't fix things in real life.